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Of East Coast, Exchange, Au Pairs and A different America

Of East Coast, Exchange, Au Pairs and a Different America

So far, I have had the privilege of experiencing different parts of America in different ways (and at different ages). While a privilege, it has also been a challenge. Life sometimes went more up than down, or also more down than up. 

Life has been the same but also different during these experiences. America remained America but sometimes it was a different America.

I like to talk about “my America,” because I first lived here when I was 16 and attended American high school. I believe that I have a different view on life here than someone who “merely” spent a semester abroad or who comes here for an internship(and mostly at a much more mature age that is). At age 16, I was in the believe theat I knew all about life. Looking back, I did not know all about life. But I learned a lot about it. I learned about life as a young adult in America. Even though I was not raised in the US, I always felt that my time as an exchange student enabled me in some ways to be immersed to the culture of the American youth. Having been in America at age 16 has helped me to understand American culture in ways that I could not without my time spent in high school here. Also, at age 16, I was young, I was stupid (as stupid as kids are at that age) and if I could go back I would do things different. But I have learned that for life to be perfect it does not have to be perfect. In the end,  it is the challenges overcome, the lessons learned that and the acceptance and recognition of both which make life great. The past also is the past and while I do regret having done things or not having done other, I tell myself to not go back too often,  because I am not going that way. However, I'd also say that he who claims to "not regret anything" simply has not taken enough risks in life. 

My experience of studying abroad in college was similar to my high school experience: Total immersion into the American (college) culture and spending lots of time with lots of Americans. Making mistakes, having to care only about yourself.

In short: Being on exchange, no matter at what age is a great and very intensive experience and it is all about you. It’s a one-of-a-kind and all-for-yourself experience of American life.

The other kind of experiencing American life is through au-pairing (nannying/full-time childcare). This kind of "exchange"  program is not much about you, but a lot about life in and with another family including a couple or very many kids. It is about being or becoming an outspoken person as much as an outgoing person. It is about avoiding some au pairs and loving others. It is about making the best of it. It is about making it yours, because it won’t be if you don’t put some effort in it. It is about accepting that will deal with much more than just yourself.

As an au pair, you are promised to be able to live and work in America and to travel in your free time. Once you are here, you’ll see: things are more complicated than that. I think it is fair to say that most families pick an au pair not only because they want them to have a great experience in America (as it would be when living with a host family in high school), but because they need childcare and oftentimes lots of it. It takes guts to voice your concerns, dissatisfactions and to bring about your ideas about childcare to your host family. And it takes even more courage (and time) to go out and meet Americans. By now I love being an au pair but it has taken me a while to adjust to this kind of life.

I say this because I now know: America is a different country in California than it is on the East Coast. America is different when on being on exchange than it is when being an au-pair. One of the best examples to illustrate the differences is the difficulty of having friends outside of the au pair circle. From the minute I sent out my au pair application I told myself “you’re not going to be the cliché au pair.” Because, let me tell you, being an au pair in America is a cliché. I should say, being a German au pair in America is a cliché. In fact. being a German au pair on the American East Coast is the greatest f***ing cliché.

And oh it proves to be true in so many ways. I find it sad and amusing at the same time. I don’t say this to be offensive, as far as I can tell, cliché au pairs live a very happy life. I merely want to point out an impression I have from having lived here in different programs.

When au pairing on the East Coast, I could literally walk through stores and walk the streets and point out German au pairs to you. They were everywhere. Families in many parts of the East Coast are some of the most affluent in the country, therefore childcare is wanted and can be afforded here too. It is easy to point out this specific species of Germans, because they mostly are found in groups with other Germans, speaking German (of course) and ordering coffees with funny accents.

What strikes me most about German au pairs is their disinterest in improving their English and meeting Americans and au pairs form other countries. Well, let me correct this: I am sure many wouldn’t mind meeting foreigners, however it seems unclear to them that in order to be able to get to know Americans or other foreigners, English speaking is key.

I have gotten many dirty looks from German au pairs, because of conversations/comments like this when in a big group with other foreigners:

German AP: So where are you from Laura?

Laura: I am from Germany.

German AP: Oh dann können wir ja auch deutsch sprechen. (Oh then let’s speak German)

Laura: (irritated and thinking wtf) Uhm, ya, but I prefer English when other foreigners are around.

Conversation ends, German au pair gives dirty look, leaves and tells her German au pair friends about the stupid German over there who is really arrogant because she does not speak German in front of foreigners. WTF girls? You are in a foreign country among foreigners, mind speaking a language everyone can understand? Excuse my German bkuntness here, because, really, maybe it's just me

But eventually, what it comes down to is this: I feel incredibly fortunate to have been able to come to America at a young age and to have been immersed to American culture. Nothing can beat going to a foreign country at a young age; when young (read pre-18), you are more carefree on many levels: you aren’t afraid to leave home, you aren’t afraid to make mistakes, you aren’t afraid to be rejected, you aren’t afraid to make new friends, you aren’t afraid to speak the language.

You have the chance to make America “your America” and tell the world about it.

You Know You're an Au Pair when....

You Know You’re an Au Pair (of Three Little Boys) when…

• Your host kids find it VERY weird that you don’t know much about Chubaka, Luke Skywalker, Anakin, Princess Leia…
• Therefore you’ve been taught all about Star Wars in less than three days
• You’ve sat through the first movie of Star Wars
• Only to afterwards be shown this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0z_TU4Gw5o on YouTube by a 5 and 7 year-old
• You then regret to have watched the entire first movie when 2.30 min YouTube could have explained it all
• Light saber is a new yet very important vocabulary
• You become really good at hiding light sabers - for the sake of everybody's safety
• You know that the Death Star is complicated to put back together
• You are asked by a three year old whether you know how to spell "Lego Star Wars" and if so if you could please type it into YouTube
• Angry Birds is your new favorite game
• The boys know how to play Angry Birds a lot better than you
• You are told that “you don’t know anything about life” twice….by a 4 year-old and a 5 year-old
• You start doubting that you know anything about life
• Your host kids start a new show on youtube and you want to help them to “skip-the-ad.” You forget they don't need your help. They know how to do it themselves. They are 3 and 4.
• Coming up with creative ideas for behavior charts becomes your new favorite activity
• Choosing toys from the dollar isle at target to put in their reward box becomes your second favorite activity
• Leftover mac ‘n' cheese with hot dogs or meatballs turns out to be an incredibly good hangover cure
• If we're out of all food, mac 'n' cheese with veggies is considered a somewhat healthy lunch
• You walk outside at night only to notice that you have glow-in-the-dark stickers on your pants
• You learn to live on a week by week, sometimes day by day schedule
•  You find toy cars and other kid’s stuff in your room, closet and purse
• You start seeing cool toys that your host kids like – EVERYWHERE
•  You invent lies in the hope of not having to explain things all the time
• The kids blow your cover and discover you’re a really bad liar
• You treat your friends like little kids
• It becomes difficult to talk about anything other than kids in your free time
• You get extremely excited about shooting squirt guns super far
•  You get extremely excited about blowing super big soap bubbles
• Everytime you put the kids on a swing in the park they fall off
• You wonder what you're doing wrong with these swings
• You spend your time experimenting with soap and water to find the perfect soap/water consistency for bubbles 
• Your habit of blowing bubbles with bubble gum becomes a useful tool to distract the kids
• You find out that sometimes working hungover or when extremely tired makes you come up with REALLY creative ideas
• At the library you only look for lego, star wars, dino and firetruck books
• You’ve become a master at painting lots of pictures of yellow firetrucks with a ladder and a bucket
•  Everytime you see a Firetruck on the street you wish the kids were there to see it too
• You love your host kids, because you know that at the end of the day you can give ‘em back to their parents. Phew.
• You find that being an only child is the best thing that ever happened to you
• You find that having children is overwhelming
• You promise yourself to not have more than one child – ever

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