Story of my life: The pineapple. 

               
                                                           

Looking back at my last blog post, which was 

Girls eat food and average does not get you anywhere...

... life has not changed much, girls still eat food and while average does not get you anywhere, at least it makes you move forward...

Life in the real word is upside down and inside out. At least that is what it feels like. For almost exactly three month have I been back in the homeland now. Looking at it from the outside, it has not been a rollercoaster ride, but it sure has not been easy. This is the country my family lives in and it is my country, but so is the U.S. now. That will never change. The U.S. has been with me ever since I was 16, and it will stay. There are so many landscapes, cities, people hearts, memories, photos, hands I have shaken, hugs I have given, so much love and laughter. I soaked it all up and it is in my head and heart. It's nothing to just shove under a rug and be over with and it's nothing to let go. 

I am learning that for me, live it, love it and be done with it does not work but live it, love it and hang on to what you have experienced forever does. The latter might cause more pain, but you know what they say about life: if you're not dying, you're not doing it right. Or something like that. 

I have held on to the American life as hard as I could for years, and it was good. I felt strong, I achieved a lot, and I felt like I could do it all. I'm not much of a believer, so I don't know if I believe that stuff in life happens for a reason, but I know that there is a reason that I wanted to be back in Germany. I am not one to leave the States just like that, I had all my life there. A lot of people know that, because they have lived that life with me. They participate in both my lives and I appreciate them for being so tolerant and dealing with that part of me, which is always in-between. 

Life in the States to me is magical. It's as simple as that. 

Being back here for almost three months gets you to the critical point of realizing that shit is serious, all that is new is just normal now, and all that is gold is just that, and not glitter anymore. So you gotta put your sunnies on and deal with it. As one wise man once said: if you feel like crying, finish your shit crying, but finish it. 

I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I don't become somebody's friend just like that as easily as I used to, but I think at some point in our adult lives we just have to make sure we do our own thing, because we have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives. In the end, we can only make ourselves as successful as we want to be. If there are friends that come along for the ride, that is super, but in all other cases... it's okay to go places on your own instead of waiting up! 

Story of my life.