Looking back at my last blog post, which was 

Girls eat food and average does not get you anywhere...

... life has not changed much, girls still eat food and while average does not get you anywhere, at least it makes you move forward...

Life in the real word is upside down and inside out. At least that is what it feels like. For almost exactly three month have I been back in the homeland now. Looking at it from the outside, it has not been a rollercoaster ride, but it sure has not been easy. This is the country my family lives in and it is my country, but so is the U.S. now. That will never change. The U.S. has been with me ever since I was 16, and it will stay. There are so many landscapes, cities, people hearts, memories, photos, hands I have shaken, hugs I have given, so much love and laughter. I soaked it all up and it is in my head and heart. It's nothing to just shove under a rug and be over with and it's nothing to let go. 

I am learning that for me, live it, love it and be done with it does not work but live it, love it and hang on to what you have experienced forever does. The latter might cause more pain, but you know what they say about life: if you're not dying, you're not doing it right. Or something like that. 

I have held on to the American life as hard as I could for years, and it was good. I felt strong, I achieved a lot, and I felt like I could do it all. I'm not much of a believer, so I don't know if I believe that stuff in life happens for a reason, but I know that there is a reason that I wanted to be back in Germany. I am not one to leave the States just like that, I had all my life there. A lot of people know that, because they have lived that life with me. They participate in both my lives and I appreciate them for being so tolerant and dealing with that part of me, which is always in-between. 

Life in the States to me is magical. It's as simple as that. 

Being back here for almost three months gets you to the critical point of realizing that shit is serious, all that is new is just normal now, and all that is gold is just that, and not glitter anymore. So you gotta put your sunnies on and deal with it. As one wise man once said: if you feel like crying, finish your shit crying, but finish it. 

I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I don't become somebody's friend just like that as easily as I used to, but I think at some point in our adult lives we just have to make sure we do our own thing, because we have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives. In the end, we can only make ourselves as successful as we want to be. If there are friends that come along for the ride, that is super, but in all other cases... it's okay to go places on your own instead of waiting up! 

Story of my life. 

Girls eat food and average does not get you anywhere.

Boulder CO

Favorite Obsession

FAVORITE COVER & ACOUSTIC 

Jukebox Tunes

1. Frank Ocean-Swim Good

2. M-83 Midnight City

Know Your Name

Favorite Lyrics for us Worriers

We sing. We dance. We steal things.

"Details In The Fabric"
(feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
And stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

New story of my life.

It's been a while since my last blog post—some wise words I put together back then.

Now, since my last blog post, it's also been a whole new story of my life. 

I have moved from Boulder, Colorado to Terre Haute, Indiana, home to the Sycamores and Indiana State University. STATE University, the blue one with the leaf, more often than not mistaken with IU, the red one with the simple letter logo, which is Indiana University in Bloomington. About an hour and a bit from here, much bigger, much more pretentious and for good reasons at that. Not the worst institution to be mistaken with and a mistake quite unnecessary to correct when abroad, because really, who there can tell the difference? But Americans do know the difference.

And now, so do I. What I also know about now is the difference between the America I used to live in and the one I live in now. About leaving behind the responsibilities I had back then and taking on new ones. About being a carer for little humans now being an instructor for young adult humans (sometimes not that much different from the little ones). From working a lot and enjoying life at least the same to working a lot and studying at least the same. From being young and able to live like you are young to being young and being asked to live like you are really mature now. From really knowing how to do your job to encountering new challenges every day. From having found your place in life, quite literally and living a life you'd want to live, but knowing that it is an unrealistic one, not one you can have forever, to figuring out your place in life again, also quite literally and trying your best to make it the life you want to live, knowing that it could be a realistic one, one that you can have forever. 

But let me explain where all this comes from: America is not the same America depending where you go. "My" America is a "liberal" (for lack of better words here) America, and a progressive one at that. An America where you can feel a significant piece of European culture—and thinking in daily life. In that America, you can walk the streets, because there are sidewalks, and everybody walks, there is public transport, and it is normal to take it. You can ride your bike and get applauded for it, not stared at. It's an America, which looks critically at certain issues prominent in our contemporary world; one that cares, especially about environmental and human rights issues. An America which indeed exists. One may want to simply look at some big cities which are prime examples for this: Seattle, Washington; Portland, Oregon; San Francisco, California; Boulder, Colorado and, who would have thought maybe even Bloomington, Indiana. I am sure there are many more examples, but these are the ones I have been too or know enough about to make this judgment.